10 hours of hard-core surgery in the middle of a 12 hour day, and my legs are no longer connected to my body. Neither is my brain. Every day on this rotation (Obstetrics and Gynecology), I come home defeated, even though I have kept my motivation high. This is a particularly difficult rotation because every day there's a new team, every day a new surgery to learn, never a mentor to follow you through and reinforce how much you've grown like there was on Surgery, Family Medicine, and Psychiatry. And so it's February, and Step 2 of the licensure exam looms larger, the ridiculous decision of what I want to be when I grow up feels more immediate.
I have no idea. Truth be told, I could do anything, and nothing feels quite right. I love speaking with patients, exercising the old compassion muscle, taking a history. But I hate the monotony of rounding. I love working with my hands, but I hate the enormity and anonymity of surgery. Family Medicine seems like a good choice because it's the wastebasket specialty - you treat everyone, you perform minor dermatologic procedures, you deliver babies. But for whatever reason, Family Medicine is a West Coast thing (I'd never even heard of it until my second year of medical school). The East Coasters prefer combined Medicine-Pediatrics rotations - similar feel to Family Med but without the deliveries. But I cannot stand the Medicine Folk and I am dreading that rotation, my final of the year. I'm at the point in training though where I need to take more responsibility, play intern without the penalities. Yet I've been a student for so long that I've forgotten how to lead. And Harvard would be very cross with me, indeed.
1 comment:
It's cool...we won't tell :)
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