#530

I turned 31 this week. I suppose there's a post I should write about that one.

But then my patient died. Not my first, but this one was different. I was not present for the declaration, but started my shift an hour later. Maybe one day I'll write about the parts they don't teach you about in medical school, the parts that no one has nightmares about, the stuff that has to do with washing the body and transferring it to the morgue or the funeral home as the case may be. And about having to write excuse notes for family members for work and school.

Instead, tonight, I'll share this quote:

(Pinterest)

And then I'll share this poem:

What The Doctor Said

He said it doesn't look good
he said it looks bad in fact real bad
he said I counted thirty-two of them on one lung before
I quit counting them
I said I'm glad I wouldn't want to know
about any more being there than that
he said are you a religious man do you kneel down
in forest groves and let yourself ask for help
when you come to a waterfall
mist blowing against your face and arms
do you stop and ask for understanding at those moments
I said not yet but I intend to start today
he said I'm real sorry he said
I wish I had some other kind of news to give you
I said Amen and he said something else
I didn't catch and not knowing what else to do
and not wanting him to have to repeat it
and me to have to fully digest it
I just looked at him
for a minute and he looked back it was then
I jumped up and shook hands with this man who'd just given me
something no one else on earth had ever given me
I may have even thanked him habit being so strong


- Raymond Carver